I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
