I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
