tell your sister to shave her snatch
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
