I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
