If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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