Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
