I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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