why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
