i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My vagina just clenched in fear
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
