so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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