Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
