3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
