First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
