I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
