like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
