Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
as a side note pls kill me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
