Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
