please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
