Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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