yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
