I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
