Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
