i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
