there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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