Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
