I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
