The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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