My room smells like vodka and shame
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
