I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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