dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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