Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
