I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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