party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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