I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
