my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
