you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
