I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
