You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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