i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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