Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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