just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
