Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
even my farts smell like vagina
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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