So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
