This is not my ceiling
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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