Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
