we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
