i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
