Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
