Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
