she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
a search helicopter?!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
