Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
