White coat. Heels.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
