If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
