it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
