Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
